first steps

It’s always the first steps that get us.  That worry us and trouble us and trip us up.  As babies learning to walk, we boldly teeter on legs that we don’t know how to operate yet and even if they provided an instruction manual, we wouldn’t know how to read it.  We use the brainpower that we’ve mastered to that point and look to others to figure it out. We turn to our family to model the behavior— the first of countless times we’ll perform this action across our lifetime.  In a moment that holds nothing but uncertainty and a fair amount of determination, we slowly pick up a foot and hinge our leg to place it in front of the other, only to often lose our balance and fall to the floor.  But we continue to try and to strive to master this intimidating task ahead of us.  Yet somewhere down the line, we stopped having this unwavering belief that we’ll figure it out somehow and we just stop trying.  We learn about failure.  And we learn that it’s something undesirable and a thing to avoid.

Fast forward decades into the future— you have this thing that’s sitting on your heart, but you ignore it because it’s not the practical thing or the safe thing or something you know you’ll succeed at.  But what if we need to do that one thing to follow our hearts and chase our dreams?  What if the first steps are exactly what we need?  As I’m typing this, I’ve just opened up my brand new MacBook.  Even trying to write the first few words are daunting.  What if I say the wrong thing or my message doesn’t come across?  What if people don’t like me?  What if I’m not a good enough writer?  Is anybody going to even read this?  Is this going to be just another thing to float out into the infinite abyss, to be lost and unseen for an eternity?  And I know the answers to all of those questions are both yes and no.  I know that the things that I’m being called to write about are hard.  Not everyone will want to hear about all the struggles and strife I’ve encountered in my life.  Or the things that I did to survive and overcome them.  How it was imperative that I burn things to the ground to allow me to rise like a phoenix from the ashes, stronger and braver and more grounded than I’ve ever been.  What if, in telling my story, I help just one other person to find a way through their situation or to find their strength?  To me, that’s worth the excavation and bearing of the soul that will occur here.

So if you’re going through something and you don’t know a way out and you feel like you need a friend or a reassurance that you’re not alone in your battle, welcome.  Consider this your safe space and your support group.  I’m so glad you’re here.  Let’s discover this thing called life together.  Let’s go explore that infinite abyss.